The Wit of Witton Episode 2
Ivor Holte-Ende has a girlfriend called Eli Sout and share a house in Worcester. They have a child, which as they aren’t married technically is a bastard. This is why fans of VII-La tend not to bother with marriage. Even if Ivor and Eli were married the status of their children would remain the same.
Ivor and Eli decided to name their child after the Team of 1982 who if you remember beat a couple of Icelandic teams, rioted in Belgium and then fluked a win against Bayern Munich to win the European equivalent of the Leyland Daf. . (UEFA have changed the criteria for entry to Europe now so that no team of deadbeats can win it again.) Their offspring was called Spink , Thingamy, and Nine other Jammy Bastards.
They chose this name because they forget that Spink was not actually in the starting eleven and no-one can remember the right back and the rest speaks for itself.
So Ivor, Elli and Jammy (they pronounce it Jay-me) went off to the Hall of Memory to watch the mighty VII-La. It was to celebrate Eli’s birthday so they got seats in Doug Ellis Other Stand. Not only did her hero’s manage a draw but all the fans stood up and held up cards with her name on. She was thrilled and Ivor knew they were the best fans ever!
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